Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up!: Bono from U2

Some call him a legend. Some call him a great humanitarian. Some call him the second coming of Jesus. Me? I call him an inside agent, working for the political and capitalist elite to continue their path of destruction across this planet while he cashes in on people’s ignorance. Also, I call him a dirty old man. Bono you have this coming.

 

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This blog is going to attack Bono’s humanitarian work. I feel the need to tell you, because I know people will jump down my throat for this.  Now I want to make it clear that humanitarian work is definitely a good thing. I support it 100%. BUT what I don’t support is an ego-manaical hypocrite running around the world trying to solve problems that HE HIMSELF is taking part in creating.

 

About 90% of the photo research I've done, he was making this same face. It's like he suffers from Perma-Smug. Oh, he also wants you to buy more gizmos and shit.

About 90% of the photo research I've done, he was making this same face. It's like he suffers from Perma-Smug. Oh, he also wants you to buy more gizmos and shit.

 

You see Bono has been able to walk a very fine line between being a corporate capitalist pig, and lovable rock star with a heart of gold. Bono is not a stupid guy. He’s no Chad Kroeger, which makes it more fun for me to try and expose his two faced agenda. No, Bono is very smart, almost too smart. He’s found a way to line his pockets and help giant corporations continue to drag the population into debt, not to mention pollute and harm many people, all the while coming out looking like a beacon of light.

 

Yes, this is an actual cover of TIME magazine. Jesus Christ! No, I'm not talking to you Bono.

Yes, this is an actual cover of TIME magazine. Jesus Christ! No, I'm not talking to you Bono.

 

Anyone capable of the lowest levels of critical thought has long since come to the conclusion that the political and corporate elite have caused the majority of the problems the world faces today, if not ever. Bono prides himself on trying to save the world by helping the less fortunate and as a result has been honored with many awards, and was even nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

But there is something completely nonsensical about how he goes about this. He actually partners with those that are clearly responsible for these problems. Here’s an example. Bono founded an organization called Product RED, which is supposed to help the people of Africa in combating HIV and AIDS. If you followed the link to the website, then you have seen that basically Bono wants you to buy stuff. Starbucks coffee, computers, ipods, apply for credit cards, etc.

 

So let me get this straight. We are going to stop the spread of HIV in Africa by lining the, already billionairs, Bill Gates and Michael Dell's pockets?

So let me get this straight. We are going to stop the spread of HIV in Africa by lining the, already billionairs, Bill Gates and Michael Dell's pockets?

 

Yes, I know how this works. A “portion” of the money from sales of these products go to fighting HIV and AIDS in Africa. Fine, I guess that’s ok. But what about the GAP clothing line that was featured on Product RED that were using child slave labor to manufacture the clothing?

The reporter, Dan McDougall, said the children were working without pay as virtual slaves in filthy conditions, with a single, backed-up latrine and bowls of rice covered with flies. They slept on the roof, he said.

 

Well you know what they say. Can't make an HIV free Africa, without breaking the spirits of a few child slaves.

Well you know what they say. Can't make an HIV free Africa, without breaking the spirits of a few child slaves.

 

It gets worse. You see I completely believe that you can judge the character of someone based on who they associate with. If Bono was serious about wanting to help the world’s less fortunate then why would he allow himself to be seen with the following people?

 

Tony Blair: One half of the tag team known as "Pre-emptive War"

Tony Blair: One half of the tag team known as "Pre-emptive War"

 

And Blair's partner in crime George W. Bush. Notice how Bush seems confused by the Peace sign Bono is throwing up.

And Blair's partner in crime George W. Bush. Notice how Bush seems confused by the Peace sign Bono is throwing up.

 

Yes, Jon Paul II helped relieve massive debts to third world countries with Bono, BUT if you add up the atrocities the Church has caused throughout history, then helping erase debt is the least they could do.

Yes, Jon Paul II helped relieve massive debts to third world countries with Bono, BUT if you add up the atrocities the Church has caused throughout history, then helping erase debt is the least they could do.

 

Here he is accepting the medal of Liberty from George Bush Sr., which to me is the equivalent of the KKK's Grand Wizard hosting the BET awards.

Here he is accepting the medal of Liberty from George Bush Sr., which to me is the equivalent of the KKK's Grand Wizard hosting the BET awards.

 

And finally, here he is shaking hands with Satan.

And finally, here he is shaking hands with Satan.

 

Maybe I’m being too hard on Bono? Perhaps I should give him the benefit of the doubt? I mean it is possible he’s just using his fame and connections the best way he can to make positive changes in the world. Well let’s take a look at his private life then. Here’s a picture of Bono and his beautiful wife Ali Hewson.

 

Wow! Married for over 26 years and they still seem happy.  I wonder what the secret is?

Wow! Married for over 26 years and they still seem happy. I wonder what the secret is?

 

Oh! Apparently the secret is to have a private rendezvous with two barely legal bikini wearing 19 year olds!

 

Pictured: 19 year olds Andrea Feick and Hannah Emerson, creepy old rich fuck Simon Carmody, and what I believe to be a just jizzed in his pants Bono.

Pictured: 19 year olds Andrea Feick and Hannah Emerson, creepy old rich fuck Simon Carmody, and what I believe to be a just jizzed in his pants Bono.

 

You know what I love? Poetic justice! Bono has been saying for years that he isn’t against the paparazzi and loves to have his photo taken. Well, ironically these pictures were not suppose to see the light of day, that is until those two girls posted them on their facebook accounts.

So the story goes that Bono and his friend Simon met up with the two girls in St. Tropez where they partied, and later in the evening took a private yacht out to sea. Once the pictures surfaced Bono and “friend” Andrea Feick went into damage control. Bono claims she’s just a friend he met a few years ago. Hmm? Let’s do the math. She was maybe 16 years old when they met. How humanitarian. Andrea also said that they are only friends and that he is too old for her. Typical and scripted response I would say.

 

Bono: Saving the world, two 19 year old bikini clad girls at a time.

Bono: Saving the world, two 19 year old bikini clad girls at a time.

 

So what does partying with two 19 year old girls on a private yacht say about his so-called goodwill? Actually doesn’t seem to be something somebody who truly cares about the less fortunate would do. In fact it’s hard to come up with anything that would be more of a slap in the face to the world’s poor. I mean it’s not like Mother Teresa partied it up in her downtime.

 

Well it looks like they got a hold of one of Bono's signature hats. I wonder how long it took before he through the rest of his clothes at them?

Well it looks like they got a hold of one of Bono's signature hats. I wonder how long it took before he threw the rest of his clothes at them?

 

 

Bono you’re transparent. I see through you and hopefully the rest of the world eventually does before you’re giving sainthood, run for office, or made leader of the United Nations. I can’t logically explain how someone so commited to so many causes can justify a lifestyle such as yours. Associating with known corrupt politicians, encouraging rampant consumerism in a world bogged down in unpayable debt, and partying like the aging rock star you are, have proven to me you are without a doubt the worst kind of hypocrite.

Oh! I almost forgot to add some lyrical fun!

 

"And I still haven't found...what I'm looking for."

"And I still haven't found...what I'm looking for."

 

Speaking of music. Bono recently tried to play the tough guy by insulting fellow Rock Star Chris Martin of Coldplay. In a recent interview Bono was quoted as saying, “I think that he’s a good melodist, but he’s a wanker.”  Bono went on to say, “Martin’s obviously a dysfunctional character and a cretin.”

Wow, Bono! I wonder what caused Bono to say such harsh things about Chris Martin?

Charities and Causes Chris Martin has Supported:

AIDS, Disaster Relief, Fair Trade, Weapons Reduction,

Poverty, Human Rights, Amnesty International, Hoping Foundation,

OxFarm, Mercy Corps, Keep a Child Alive, the list goes on and on

 

Well I was leaning toward jealousy. I think Bono may be a bit pissed off that Chris Martin is catching up in Humanatarian causes. But I dug a little deeper and think I may have found the truth!

 

I think Chris Martin had his own meeting with that 19 year old who was wearing Bono's hat!

I think Chris Martin had his own meeting with that 19 year old who was wearing Bono's hat!

 

Tom Waits I think it’s time play Bono out. Bono wants to save the world and solve everyone’s problems. Well here’s Tom Waits with some advice on what to do with your bad days.

 

 

 

John Michael Gagnon   AKA   Johnny(RED)
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Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up!: Chad Kroeger of Nickelback

Hey! Hey Chad Kroeger! Yeah, I’m talking to you Poodle head! Guess what?!

 

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Well now that I’ve gotten my ten or so years of frustration with Metallica out of my system, hopefully for good, it’s time to target a more universally hated douchebag. Chad Kroeger, who’s actual name is Chad Turton, pfft! dork, is one of those rock star douchebags who seems hell bent on destroying himself and his self-image. I hope he succeeds one day.

 

I bet they called him Chad Turdton in grade school.

I bet they called him Chad "Turd"ton in grade school.

 Chad Kroeger isn’t a rock star.Chad Kroeger is a rock star cliche’. The horrible music, which basically all sounds the same, the ridiculous hair, his douchebag behavior, all add to my arguement.  You see Chad Kroeger is over twenty years too late to try and live the rock star lifestyle he’s been living. Let’s start with the first cliche’.

Rock Star Cliche’ #1

In 2006 Chad Kroeger was pulled over and arrested in Surrey, British Columbia for speeding and driving while under the influence of alcohol in his………Ferrari.

 

Chad Kroeger: Still not as cool as Tom Selleck!

Chad Kroeger: Still not as cool as Tom Selleck!

 

And to make matters worse, in typical douchebag fashion, he decided to take the police officers who arrested him to court for “illegally” giving him a field sobriety test. Well the results of the test proved he was above the legal limit. The judge threw his case out, while probably laughing at him in the process. Why couldn’t Chad Kroeger just accept he broke the law, paid the fine, and filmed one of those late 80′s – early 90′s public service announcements? That’s what the rock stars in the 80′s did Chad! I hope you’re taking notes.

 

Rock Star Cliche’ #2 

You know when a rock star is trying too hard to be cool when they feel the need to create a sort of modus operandi. They want something that will stick in their fan’s heads. Something that becomes synonymous with themselves. Basically a gimmick. In the following series of pics I want the readers of this blog to try and figure out what that gimmick is.

 

 

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I know it's hard to see what it is. It's very subtle and not at all cliche'.

I know it's hard to see what it is. It's very subtle and not at all cliche'.

 

Chad_kroeger_stuttgart

 

Do you guys give up yet?

Do you guys give up yet?

 

nick

 

His medieval arm bands give him +2 Douchebaggery

His medieval arm bands give him +2 Douchebaggery

 

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HE THROWS UP THE HORNS LIKE HE INVENTED IT!! Really? Is that the best you can do Chad Kroeger? Ok I’m gonna give you a chance to redeem yourself. Try something else. Anything!

 

*sigh*

*sigh*

 

Rock Star Cliche’ #3

You know what really annoys me? When celebrities decide to rally behind some cause that they are completely and utterly ineffectual at changing. One of my favorite examples is Pamela Anderson. She wants you to be a vegetarian, like she doesn’t eat meat *wink wink*, she wants to save the whales, save the seals, save all the animals, save the trees, save the fucking world! Is there anything she won’t rally behind?

 

Oh, for fuck's sake. Hey Pamela! Why don't you Save your Vagina! Because that thing must be spent!

Oh, for fuck's sake. Hey Pamela! Why don't you Save your Vagina?! Because that thing must be spent!

 

Well Chad Kroeger and Nickelback are no different. Perhaps they chose the following cause to help improve their image, perhaps their management team decided it would boost record sales? Well for whatever reason, they chose to rally behind this.

 

They seem very passionate about their contribution to this cause.

They seem very passionate about their contribution to this cause.

 

That’s right! Chad Kroeger and Nickelback don’t want anymore landmines. It must be hard being a rock star and having to avoid the countless landmines that riddle your pathways. They must have to deal with landmines on a daily basis for them to make t-shirts to express their outrage about them. Sarcasm aside, unless I see a picture or a video of Chad Kroeger on his hands and knees in some middle eastern desert, digging out landmines himself, then Chad Kroeger and Nickelback should probably just shut the fuck up on this issue.

 

This brings me joy.

This brings me joy.

 

Rock Star Cliche’ #4

Noah Morse, a furniture sales representative,  is suing Chad Kroeger for, “forcefully punching him in the face” outside a Vancouver nightclub. Yep, my final rock star cliche’ for this blog has to with Chad Kroeger going the Axl Rose route and assaulting the common folk. Chad Kroeger seems to have all his bases covered doesn’t he? Now what may you ask caused this altercation? What could Noah Morse possibly have done to cause Chad Kroeger to beat this man so bad he may need surgery? Apparently all Noah Morse said was, “Nickelback sucks”, as he saw Chad Kroeger leave the nightclub.

If I were Noah Morse I would sue Chad Kroeger for not only the punch to the face, but for nearly 10 years of assault to my ear drums as well. And you might think Noah Morse is a pansy, or should be too embarassed to make a public spectacle of the punch to the face. But I think he did the right thing. In fact, if I said Nickelback sucks and Chad Kroeger came after me, I would let him beat the holy hell out of me! I’d let him tune me up real good. Because every punch that hit my body would make a “ka-ching!” sound.

I couldn’t find any good pictures to go with this cliche’ entry, so I decided to include my all time favorite SNL digital short, “Punched in the face before eating.” I suggest you watch because it has two of my favorite things ever. Zombies, and Jon Bon Jovi getting punched in the face.

 

 

Now it’s time to get down to business. Lyrical dismantling of Nickelback’s “Next Contestant” for you’re reading pleasure. I didn’t include any funny pics, because honestly there is nothing funny about what this megalomaniac is singing about, however I will comment after each verse.

NEXT CONTESTANT

I judge by what she’s wearing
Just how many heads I’m tearing
Off of assholes coming on to her
Each night seems like it’s getting worse
And I wish she’d take the night off
So I don’t have to fight off
Every asshole coming on to her
It happens every night she works
They’ll go and ask the DJ
Find out just what would she say
If they all tried coming on to her
Don’t they know it’s never going to work
They think they’ll get inside her
With every drink they buy her
As they all try coming on to her
This time somebody’s getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant

Soooo, you’re admitting to the world, through a song, that millions of people are going to listen to, that you indeed are dating and/or stalking a stripper. Classy, Chad Kroeger.

 

[CHORUS]
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you’d do it again
I’ll watch you leave here limping
I wish you’d do it again
I’ll watch you leave here limping
There goes the next contestant

Imagine you not only hit on Chad Kroeger’s stripper girlfriend, but ALSO said Nickelback sucks? He would literally murder you!

 

I even fear the ladies
They’re cool but twice as crazy
Just as bad for coming on to her
Don’t they know it’s never going to work
Each time she bats an eyelash
Somebody’s grabbing her ass
Everyone keeps coming on to her
This time somebody’s getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant

He seems to have an unhealthy obsession with this stripper. You know they say that date rape most often occurs when alcohol is involved. I believe date rape most often occurs when Chad Kroeger’s involved.

And finally…

 

I’m hating what she’s wearing
Everybody here keeps staring
Can’t wait ’til they get what they deserve
This time somebody’s getting hurt

You hate what she’s wearing Chad Kroeger? Don’t worry soon she’ll be wearing nothing, as strippers are known to do, and if I was there I’d make sure you saw me tongue pass a twenty dollar bill to her before buying her a shot.

 

Tom Waits, why don’t you show Chad Kroeger how to warm up the ladies, AND take rejection in a mature sensible manner.

 

 

John Michael Gagnon…You lose some, you win some…Johnny Red

Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up!: Metallica

Metallica, Metallica, Metallica. Where to begin.

Well…

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Metallica is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Personally, I don’t know if they deserve it. Yes they have been a huge success in the past and have sold millions of records, but I’m of the mindset that quantity, doesn’t always, in fact rarely, equals quality.  

Now before I go into my rant, I have to say a few things. I used to love Metallica. They are very talented. As musicians they have done some pretty amazing stuff in their time. I can’t criticize them for that. The best I’ve ever been able to do musically is carry a tune on a blues harp. In fact I remember being laughed out of the school Band. But don’t worry, I took care of them good!

 

Who's first chair now, mother fuckers!!

Who's first chair now, mother fuckers!!

 

Oh, and I know that I’m suppose to tear bands apart by making fun of their lyrics. Well, this is only my second blog under this category and I’m already amending the rules. Deal with it.

Now I need everyone reading this to understand that when I really get into a band, buy all their albums, and believe their awesomeness could rival the power of Gods, then I like to research as much as I can about them. No, I’m not a paparazzi stalker type, but I like to read up on their influences, history as a band, what motivates them, etc. It’s important for me to do this. Who they are as people are as important to me as the music. And that’s why it breaks my heart to have to call Metallica out on their douchebag behavior.

Really? Pose all you want I don't think you're scary.

Really? Pose all you want I don't think you're scary.

 

Ok, we’re gonna start with the most talked about, and obvious Douchebag moment Metallica has done. They sued their own fucking fans!!! You see back in the year 2000 a little music sharing program called Napster had hit it big. Free music to download and share. It was great. Until I did something that raised a demon in Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich and he got me banned from Napster. Yep I was one of the guys who got kicked off of Napster. I downloaded a song to my computer from a Metallica album that I had…ALREADY FUCKING BOUGHT A CASSETTE OF!  That’s right, I bought a cassette of Metallica for the tape deck in my truck, and rather than buy the same album again on CD I figured why not just download the album and burn it. I had the right didn’t I? They already got their money from me once. Well apparently they didn’t think so and neither did the staff at Napster who told me in an e-mail that their hands were tied on the issue. Well guess what Metallica? I haven’t bought an album of your since, and I’m sure many former fans haven’t either.

Lars Ulrich went so far as to make this promotional video to explain how Metallica is badass and awesome for their decision to sue Napster and their fans. I dare you to try and not give yourself a self-labotomy as you watch Lars “fake” cool, and Marlon Wayons provide his “genius” comedic stylings.

Lars doesn’t like it when you “share”. “Sharing” is ruining his career and he is now forced to whore himself out to make up for all the money we’ve apparently stolen from him. But boy I remember a time when Metallica was just getting big, and people were generating a buzz about them. Oh! You know how they got so popular back in the early eighties? BY FANS SHARING AND CIRCULATING THEIR MIX TAPES!! That’s right they wouldn’t have even made a blip on the radar if dedicated fans hadn’t copied and shared their music. I hope you always remember that it was the fans that made you Metallica.

Kiss my ass, you little hobbit of a man.

Kiss my ass, you little hobbit of a man.

 

“It’s already all over Napster. Go check it out. I don’t hate Napster, in fact I think that it’s good that we have four songs that are on there right now.”-Dave Mustaine of Megadeth commenting on file sharing.

Speaking of Dave Mustaine, let’s talk about Metallica’s treatment of their former band members. Dave Mustaine of Megadeth, my favorite metal band ever, was a founding member of Metallica but was kicked out before they even released their first album. He was booted out of the band because he drank too much. Really? The self-promoted “heaviest and most badass metal band ever” had to kick Mustaine out because he drank too much? That doesn’t sound too badass Metallica. But it’s all good because Mustaine created Metallica’s rival in Megadeth. The two bands were neck and neck throughout the 80′s and early 90′s until Metallica took the lead by becoming corporate rock whores.

Megadeth: The cure to your Metallica

Megadeth: The cure to your Metallica

 

I felt Dave Mustaine did an amazing thing once he was booted out of  Metallica. He sobered up enough to create one of the greatest metal bands in history, and always seemed to be somewhat respectful of Metallica, although I’m sure there were times he was angry about it. I wonder how Metallica handled their former friend/founder/bandmate’s success? Well let’s see how James Hetfield reacts to hearing Megadeth’s first major hit “Symphony of Destruction.”

 

 

You’re damn right James, Dave Mustaine is a great song writer. So much in fact that I believe Mustaine is responsible for Metallica’s first few albums being as badass and heavy as they were. You see Dave Mustaine wrote a lot of the lyrics and music in those first albums Metallica released. It’s true you can even check the credits on the albums. Which leads to my theory that after all of Dave Mustaine’s “contributions” to Metallica, that they just ran out of quality music. Maybe that’s why after Metallica’s black album, everything seemed to go downhill.

Long story short, it took almost 20 years before Dave Mustaine got a chance to speak his mind to the members of Metallica. In the Metallica documentary Some Kind of Monster, which I recommend you watch if you want to see how to systematically dismantle a band, Lars and Dave sat down for a chat. James Hetfield was also supposed  to be there as well, but for some reason didn’t show up. I know the clip is a little long but trust me it’s worth it to watch Lars STILL try to make everything about himself.

 

 

Dave, don’t feel bad about being number two to Metallica. You’re not in my eyes. Besides being number one doesn’t mean you’re the best. George W. Bush was once the most powerful man in the world, but fuck that guy. I also really want Dave Mustaine to understand that he has done great things and as the master of the “Spider Chord” I believe he’s surpassed Metallica. In fact Megadeth has remained consistent in their sound to this day.

Now a little test. Metallica released the album St. Anger after they finished filming that documentary. The album was bashed by critics and fans. About a year later Megadeth released The System Has Failed. The following are two samples from each album. If you have the time listen to both tracks and tell me which album is keeping to the roots of what metal music is, and which album sounds better produced.

 

 

Another interesting event that took place while filming Some kind of Monster, was the sudden departure of long time Metallica bassist Jason Newsted. From the stories circulating it had a lot to do with Metallica not doing true metal anymore, to being angry that the band had to hire a therapist to help them record their album, to James Hetfield telling him he couldn’t work on his side project EchoBrain while still playing with Metallica, etc.

Jason Newsted quit the band and called them a bunch of homos. He really did.

"Homos!" He's pointing at Metallica.

"Homos!" He's pointing at Metallica.

 

Now let’s see Lars Ulrich ham it up in front of the camera when asked about why Jason Newsted left the band. There is something about Lars that just reeks fake.

 

 

“When did we turn into the bad guys?” Well Lars it might have to do with bullshit like this.

Nope...still not scaring me Lars.

Nope...still not scaring me Lars.

 

Or this…

 

James Hetfield and Metal Music: You're doing it wrong.

James Hetfield and Metal Music: You're doing it wrong.

 

Well that’s about enough ranting and raving for one night. Hey, Tom Waits! Are you ready to send these guys out to pasture? What? You’re gonna let Megadeth fuck them up this week? Alright you’re the boss Tom. Dave Mustaine, why don’t you Spider Chord their sell out, washed up, fan insulting, disrespectful asses!

 

John Michael Gagnon…”Life’s fabric is corrupt. Shot through with corroded thread”…Johnny Red

Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up!: Jon Bon Jovi

Decided to start a new blog category today. Why, you ask? Because I had to listen to Bon Jovi’s, “Have a Nice Day”, about four times on our “family sensitive” radio station at work today, that’s why. So let me explain the rules to this new blog category.

Rule #1 I pick one artist/band

Rule #2 I pick one song by said artist/band

Rule #3 I use said artist/band’s lyrics from the one song to rip them a new one

See it’s simple. Now let’s begin. Oh and to note, Tom Waits is my favorite musical artist of all time, hence the title of this blog.

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For over 25 years Bon Jovi has been infecting us with the blandest, most mediocore brand of Rock music the world has ever listened to.  I admit that back when I was in grade school I used to listen to Bon Jovi. But that was when I was very young and my brain hadn’t developed the rational thought of an adult. Also back then the music was actually new, and NOT the same old rehashed song with a slightly altered beat, and familar tossed around lyrics.

Bon Jovi’s, “Have a Nice Day”, offends me on many levels, but most of all it’s the lyrics. They remind me of something you might read in a 14 year old girl’s diary. And come to think of it, almost all of Jon Bon Jovi’s lyrics sound this way. For someone pushing 50, he sure does have a lot of teen angst kicking around. And not the cool, rebellious type angst either. Before I get into the lyric dismantling with photo fun, I’m gonna go into a tirade on the opening lyric.

“Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?”

Who? Who Jon Bon Jovi is telling you how to live your life?! Are you being oppressed in some way? Is “the man” holding you down? Because when I think of people who live on the edge, and constantly have the fingers of society pointing  at them, I don’t think of you Jon Bon Jovi! What controversial lifestyle are you living nowadays? Who are you possibly offending? Boy it must suck being a boring has-been, married, with the big house, always playing it safe, kissing your record label’s ass to make sure you can still tour and make albums to keep up with your lavish lifestyle!

It's obvious his inner turmoils are torturing him.

It's obvious his inner turmoils are torturing him.

 

You are not a rebel Jon Bon Jovi.

Ok, that’s out of my system. Well let’s get to the fun stuff. After reading the lyrics to, “Have a Nice Day”, it became apparent that Jon Bon Jovi has put very little thought into the lyrics. Luckily, for your entertainment…I DID!

 

"My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid."

"My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid."

You’re daddy may have lived the lie, but it appears the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree Jon Bon Jovi. I think YOU may be living a lie as well, if you know what I mean.

 

"I ain't gonna do what I don't want to."

"I ain't gonna do what I don't want to."

That, Mr. Jovi, is a double negative. Also I want to kick your face.

 

"Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly."

"Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly."

That doesn’t make any sense. But by all means if you are on a ledge then go ahead and jump. Another thing, can you possibly be any whiter?

 

"I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street."

"I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street."

“Honey!  Jon Bon Jovi is naked on our property again!”

“Son of a bitch! Call the cops…again!”

 

"When the world gets in my face, I say, Have a Nice Day!"

"When the world gets in my face, I say, Have a Nice Day!"

Oooooooo shiiiiiit! Damn! You just got served by Jon Bon Jovi!!

Seriously? That’s your “slam” to the world? Have a nice day? Give it up Jon Bon Jovi. You’re done. It’s over. I hope you enjoy the stagnant career you’ve created for yourself.

In the meantime…

 

Tom Waits, do what you do best!

 

John Michael Gagnon aka Johnny Red