Strange News Links Vol. 2

Begin Transmission…

Vampires a Mathematical Impossibility, Scientist Says

A researcher has come up with some simple math that sucks the life out of the vampire myth, proving that these highly popular creatures can’t exist.

I hate you math. Well at least we still know Werewolves are real.

I hate you math. Well at least we still know Werewolves are real.

 

Superman’s Fortress of Solitude Found

Superman’s fabled Fortress of Solitude has been depicted in films as a vast complex comprised of enormous crystal beams.

“Actually, of course, the Cueva de los Cristales is a purely natural formation consisting of enormous beams of gypsum. Some of the crystals are as long as 36 feet.”

Although…

Kryptonite was discovered by a Scientist in a mine in Serbia.

As interesting as that link is, I still hate Superman. Here's a nice pic of Batman giving Superman one of several beatings.

As interesting as that link is, I still hate Superman. Here's a nice pic of Batman giving Superman one of several beatings.

 

Panda Bites Off Part of Woman’s Thumb

A panda cub bit off part of the thumb of an American visitor who was feeding it at a reserve in southwest China, state media said Thursday.

Last month, a drunken Chinese tourist bit a panda at the Beijing Zoo after the animal attacked him when he jumped into the enclosure and tried to hug it.

The Panda then proceeded to steal a Go Kart and terrorize small children.

The Panda then proceeded to steal a Go Kart and terrorize small children.

 

Things just got worse from there…

 

Panda_Attack

 

Seriously though, these animals are still BEARS, so why try and feed and hug them? Stupid humans.

 

Bigfoot Bounty: Reward Offered for Mysterious Monsters

Binocular manufacturer Bushnell, along with “Field & Stream” magazine, have teamed up to offer $1 million to anyone who can “provide an unaltered photograph/video, verified and substantiated by a panel of scientific experts [including a zoologist and biologist], the evidence required to prove a Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Yeti exists.”

Looks like I just killed two birds with one stone. That'll be 2 million please.

Looks like I just killed two birds with one stone. That'll be 2 million please.

 

‘Aliens’ Ogled My Teen Daughters!

A Denver man named Jeff Peckman wants to spend $75,000 in taxpayer money to deal with aliens, and not the illegal kind. He wants the City of Denver to create an “Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission” that would handle the problem of alien encounters.

Not satisfied with mere anal probing, Aliens have elevated themselves to Peeping Tom status.

Not satisfied with mere anal probing, Aliens have elevated themselves to Peeping Tom status.

 

Bonus Content:

Creepy Gnome Terrorises Town

A TOWN in South America is living in fear after several sightings of a ‘creepy gnome’ that locals claim stalks the streets at night.

Obviously a midget in a gnome costume, BUT these kids managed to create a video that’s creepier than anything Hollywood has done in the last 20 years or so.

Fast forward to about the 45 second mark.

 

…End Transmission

John Michael Gagnon…Happy Mummies Day…Johnny Red

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Posted on May 10, 2009, in Strange News Links and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Send a memo to the military powers-that-be: Pandas: “How To Defeat Somalian Pirates” and

    Gasp! Did you see how slowly that Gnome moved? What if it was a midget zombie?

    • The Gnome is one of three things.

      1 It’s ACTUALLY some unknown creature (not very plausible)

      2. Those kids filming were in on it and it was a midget friend of theirs. (most likely scenerio)

      or…

      3. Some midget is demented enough to dress as a Gnome and scare the shit out of people in that town.
      (My favorite scenerio!!)

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