Johnny Red and His Team of Scientists VS The Zombie Apocalypse!!

Time: The Not-So Distant Future

Place: Johnny Red’s Secret Laboratory

 

Scientist #3! I’ve been waiting hours for the test results on the neo-genetic recombinator and–what the hell? Scientist #3 the samples in your beaker are boiling over! Your bunsen burners are burning on high! I told you we need to be more cost efficient around here. Are you even listening to me?

And why is this place such a mess? Did the Yeti get out of it’s cage again? I’m telling you it feels like I’m babysitting around here. And why is Scientist #5 lying face down on the floor……..in a pool of his own blood………with a gaping hole in the back of his head where clearly his brain has been scooped out?

Scientist #3 will you please look at me when I’m talking to you!!!

 

 

Oooooooooh SNAP!

Oooooooooh SNAP!

 

 

johnnyredzombie

 

 

ALRIGHT EVERYBODY OUT!! QUICKLY NOW! SCIENTIST #2 SHUT THAT DOOR!!

 

Compose yourself, man! You're a scientist!

Compose yourself, man! You're a scientist!

 

Ok, Scientists team huddle right now! We knew this day would eventually come. Now we have to deal with it. We have to remain calm and analyze the situation at hand. Was Scientist #3 currently working on anything that could have caused this? No, the neo-genetic recombinator wouldn’t have done this to her. Umm…was she showing any symptoms before she changed? No, well then our next step is–Scientist #1 why are you holding your hand behind your back? No reason? Were you bit?! So help you God if you were bit! I’m keeping my eye on you!

Alright we have to find out if this is an isolated case, or if this is happening in other places. Turn on the television.

 

"At a press conference today, President Obama assured us there is nothing to worry about."

"At a press conference today, President Obama assured us there is nothing to worry about."

 

Change channel.

 

NOT a good sign.

NOT a good sign.

 

Change channel again.

 

Ok, it's official.

Ok, it's official.

 

Clearly Scientist #3 was not an isolated incident. Politicians will wait it out safely in their underground bunkers. The Military will do more damage, than good. And with no protection, the general public will be devoured and turned within days. We’re gonna have to put a stop to this Zombie menace ourselves before it’s too late. Bring me the “Solutions to Unbelievably Horrific Things” chart!

 

Hmm? Ninjas are cool, but can't risk the chance of them going zombie as well. Let's see....of course! Robots!

Hmm? Ninjas are cool, but can't risk the chance of them going zombie as well. Let's see....of course! Robots!

 

Scientist #2 don’t give me that look. I know you had your heart set on an Evil Robot Uprising, but if we don’t use your robotic creations to defeat the Zombie horde then there won’t be a future for an Evil Robot Uprising. Consider this a test run, ok?

Now comes the truly dangerous part. We have to venture outside and make our way to……..THE HANGAR! Grab whatever you can to use as a weapon. Remember the quickest way to take down a Zombie is to remove it’s head, or destroy the brain. Blunt or sharp instruments are your best bet. Ah, ah, ah…not so fast Scientist #4. That weapon is mine!

 

Come get some!!

Come get some!!

 

We’re out in the open so keep your wits about you. The Hangar is only about a mile down the road, but who knows how many zombies are lurking. Follow me, I know a short cut that should get us there in no time.

 

And they say our tax money is wasted.

And they say our tax money is wasted.

 

Ok stick close to me. We all know what happens when someone wanders off during a zombie menace. If we stick together we should be able to make it to the hangar. Wait! Did you hear something? It sort of sounded like…wheels?

 

Zombie Hawking!!!

Zombie Hawking!!!

 

That's for always getting the recognition I deserve!!

That's for always getting the recognition I deserve!!

 

That was close! Let’s keep moving.

Oh my God!

 

Zombie Britney!!!

Zombie Britney!!!

 

Take that, you Toxic skank!!!

Take that, you Toxic skank!!!

 

What could possibly be next?! Look out behind you!!

 

Zombie Jagger!!!

Zombie Jagger!!!

 

Consider yourself officially retired!!

Consider yourself officially retired!!

 

When will this madness end?! Oh no!!!

 

Zombie Jackson!!!

Zombie Jackson!!!

 

Now THIS is a Thriller!!

Now THIS is a Thriller!!

 

“Wait! I’m not a Zombie! I’m just looking for help! My Neverland Ranch has been taken over! Will you help me? Ah hee hee!”

…….

 

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

I see the Hangar!! It’s just through this parking lot. Scientist #2 go on ahead and get those beautiful robotic killing machines up and running! Scientist #4 quickly gather a few samples of zombie flesh so we can study it to find out exactly what caused this outbreak! Scientist #1 let’s take out a few more of these zombies to buy the others some time! Scientist #1?

 

 

Damnit! I knew you were bit!!

Damnit! I knew you were bit!!

 

You served me well!!

You served me well!!

 

Ok, everyone is here. I can hear the zombie horde approaching! Scientist #2…are they ready? Yes, then let’s show these undead brain eating bastards how we play ball! Oh, and Scientist #2, how about some music to set the mood?

(Instructions: play youtube vid, it’s actually just audio, and if you continue reading the music makes a kick ass action soundtrack! Or if you’re at work and can’t play the music, well then quit your job.)

 

They’re very close now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scientist #2 open the Hangar on the count of three.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three!!

 

 

Open the Hangar!

hangar

 

 

HERE THEY COME!!

HERE THEY COME!!

 

Hahahaha! We got your cure right here!

 

"And now my unfortunate friend! You will discover a War you're unable to win!"

"And now my unfortunate friend! You will discover a War you're unable to win!"

 

 

"A terror to behold! Annihilation will be unavoidable!"

"A terror to behold! Annihilation will be unavoidable!"

 

 

Hahaha! Look at 'em scatter! More Robots!!

Hahaha! Look at 'em scatter! More Robots!!

 

 

"Indestructible! Determination that is incorruptible!"

"Indestructible! Determination that is incorruptible!"

 

 

"No hesitation when I am commanded to strike! You need to know that you're in for the fight of your life!"

"No hesitation when I am commanded to strike! You need to know that you're in for the fight of your life!"

 

Zombie children are no exception!!!

 

"My dedication to all that I've sworn to protect! I carry out my orders without a regret!"

"My dedication to all that I've sworn to protect! I carry out my orders without a regret!"

 

 

Finish them off!!!!

 

 

"Every broken enemy will know! That their opponent had to be invincible!"

"Every broken enemy will know! That their opponent had to be invincible!"

 

 

My that was exciting! Take that Michael “Giant Fucking Robots are Coming” Bay! Now to take a look outside and see if we’re safe.

 

Victory is ours!

Victory is ours!

 

Well Team of Scientists, it looks like we’ve saved humanity yet again. Scientist #2 I’m especially proud of you and your giant robot creations. It also appears that your future Evil Robot Uprising seems very plausible. Kudos to you!

What’s that? We should go celebrate? Well…I suppose it couldn’t hurt. In fact why not? I’m giving you guys the rest of the day off. Where should we celebrate? Hooters? I don’t know…seems a little…beneath us doesn’t it? What the hell! First round is on me!

 

 

We'll have a table for--HOLY CRAP!

We'll have a table for--HOLY CRAP!

 

 

John Michael Gagnon…braaains!…Johnny Red

15260865_400x400

*I do not apply ownership, or creation rights to pics featured on this blog

Advertisements

Posted on May 13, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. i loved this story it was exiting!!! and funny i think u should make another one and send it to my email……. when i read this i felt like i was in the story every pic that i saw was amazing

    • Thanks Amanda, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I have been planning on writing another one, mostly to tie into a Zombie movie I recently starred in.

      But hey, if you like my writing then check out http://www.monsterrebellion.com I’ve recently upgraded from this version of wordpress to a better host and site.

  2. thats just plain fucked okay NOT rigt at all!!!!

  3. That was absolutly awsome. The music fit the story perfictly. Thay should make books with a good sound track to go with it, like this. You should make post-apocaliptic zombie books, dude.

  4. OK FUNNY BUT I FUCKIN HATE DISTURBED! Sorry John BUT it WAS all good for this blog. 😉

  5. I hope that I still don’t have to tip those zombie waitresses, because their service was dreadful!!!!

  6. The closing picture in your story brought about a startling revelation.
    Usually when you combine three of your favorite things you get something that just reeks of awesomeness.
    You know sunny day + fishing pole + beer = good times.
    Babes + Hooters + Zombies = not as cool as I imagined.

    • Well it might START off good. You know the two of us hold up in a Hooters and we are the babe’s only protection. But as these things go eventually one of them will turn. Damn.

  7. Great read! I now am no longer of the opinion that the suppressed .22 is the penultimtate weapon for dealing with zombies.

    P.S. Great kil-’em-all music selection!

    • Thanks for the comments Steven. Hope we’ll be fighting together on the front lines of the real Zombie Apocalypse someday!

  8. Damn, that was great. Nothing like a high energy near-apocalyptic kick to the cerebellum in the morning to get you going in the morning.

  9. Well done sir, I say well done! Even without the music (yeah, my job sucks)

  1. Pingback: Colin Zombie | Celebrity news

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: