Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up!: Jon Bon Jovi

Decided to start a new blog category today. Why, you ask? Because I had to listen to Bon Jovi’s, “Have a Nice Day”, about four times on our “family sensitive” radio station at work today, that’s why. So let me explain the rules to this new blog category.

Rule #1 I pick one artist/band

Rule #2 I pick one song by said artist/band

Rule #3 I use said artist/band’s lyrics from the one song to rip them a new one

See it’s simple. Now let’s begin. Oh and to note, Tom Waits is my favorite musical artist of all time, hence the title of this blog.


For over 25 years Bon Jovi has been infecting us with the blandest, most mediocore brand of Rock music the world has ever listened to.  I admit that back when I was in grade school I used to listen to Bon Jovi. But that was when I was very young and my brain hadn’t developed the rational thought of an adult. Also back then the music was actually new, and NOT the same old rehashed song with a slightly altered beat, and familar tossed around lyrics.

Bon Jovi’s, “Have a Nice Day”, offends me on many levels, but most of all it’s the lyrics. They remind me of something you might read in a 14 year old girl’s diary. And come to think of it, almost all of Jon Bon Jovi’s lyrics sound this way. For someone pushing 50, he sure does have a lot of teen angst kicking around. And not the cool, rebellious type angst either. Before I get into the lyric dismantling with photo fun, I’m gonna go into a tirade on the opening lyric.

“Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?”

Who? Who Jon Bon Jovi is telling you how to live your life?! Are you being oppressed in some way? Is “the man” holding you down? Because when I think of people who live on the edge, and constantly have the fingers of society pointing  at them, I don’t think of you Jon Bon Jovi! What controversial lifestyle are you living nowadays? Who are you possibly offending? Boy it must suck being a boring has-been, married, with the big house, always playing it safe, kissing your record label’s ass to make sure you can still tour and make albums to keep up with your lavish lifestyle!

It's obvious his inner turmoils are torturing him.

It's obvious his inner turmoils are torturing him.


You are not a rebel Jon Bon Jovi.

Ok, that’s out of my system. Well let’s get to the fun stuff. After reading the lyrics to, “Have a Nice Day”, it became apparent that Jon Bon Jovi has put very little thought into the lyrics. Luckily, for your entertainment…I DID!


"My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid."

"My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid."

You’re daddy may have lived the lie, but it appears the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree Jon Bon Jovi. I think YOU may be living a lie as well, if you know what I mean.


"I ain't gonna do what I don't want to."

"I ain't gonna do what I don't want to."

That, Mr. Jovi, is a double negative. Also I want to kick your face.


"Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly."

"Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly."

That doesn’t make any sense. But by all means if you are on a ledge then go ahead and jump. Another thing, can you possibly be any whiter?


"I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street."

"I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street."

“Honey!  Jon Bon Jovi is naked on our property again!”

“Son of a bitch! Call the cops…again!”


"When the world gets in my face, I say, Have a Nice Day!"

"When the world gets in my face, I say, Have a Nice Day!"

Oooooooo shiiiiiit! Damn! You just got served by Jon Bon Jovi!!

Seriously? That’s your “slam” to the world? Have a nice day? Give it up Jon Bon Jovi. You’re done. It’s over. I hope you enjoy the stagnant career you’ve created for yourself.

In the meantime…


Tom Waits, do what you do best!


John Michael Gagnon aka Johnny Red


Posted on May 15, 2009, in Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up! and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 42 Comments.

  1. Kourtney campbell

    Also have a nice freakin day jerk cause u just wish u could be as awesome as him so just accept that you are nt and stop with your worthless comments and get on with your life so have a nice day

  2. Kourtney campbell

    You obviously have no appreciation for good music a hard working down to earth guy who loves his family and his work je has dome nothing wrong to u u dont like the song dont listen to it and dont write crap like this cause you have no freakin right to insult someone with out them doing u any harm

  3. jon bon jovi is not an artist he has nothing artistically diverse. he’s so monotonous that I feel he just sing one long song. ha tom waits will indeed fuck you up jon bon jovi. Even when tom sings piano ballads like on closing time or Alice songs that are SIMPLE for him, but they’re still incredibly superior artisticly and musically to anything you’ve ever done jon bon jovi. In fact if you compare your entire career to just ONE Tom waits albums such as rain dogs. I guarantee you the album will be vastly superior! in conclusion tom waits will fuck up most musicians, jon bon jovi being one with no competition.

  4. wow, you know nothing of what your saying. jon bon jovi makes his music because, it helps others not only him. He could quite but , no he lives his life writing music for good causes. so, you should shut your dumbshitting mouth & hop off his dick. cause, your not showing anything. no one gives a shit about your gay ass opinion. Long Live JBJ<3 !

    • Are you bi-polar? I say this because you’re argument started out well, then degenerated into 10 year old speak. Also, do any of you people understand satire? Of course you don’t, you’re Bon Jovi fans.

  5. Leonard Cohen may have my vote for the darkest

  6. Your browser does not support iframes.

  7. he must be doing something right to get your fucking attention asshole !

  8. Your take on Bon Jovi’s music leads me to just one conclusion: that you haven’t really listened to much of it. I think you’ve let your obvious personal bias against the man, to close your mind. Have you heard the gut wrenching soul in “Something to Believe In”, “Cama de Rosa, Last Man Standing”, Livin’ on a Prayer”, These Days, You Want To Make a Memoey, Wanted Dead or Alive, just about all of Lost Highway, and all of the Cirle. Some are deeper than others, but all of them were moving in some wayk either in being funny such as “Why aren’t you Dead?”, some tragic, and some just plain fun to just iisten and dance with. But all of them elicited a positive response in some way. I also like that he’s a philanthropist of long standing, and a pretty goo actor. They don’t promote his movies very well. In any event, I totally disagree with your assessment. ROCK ON JBJ!!!

  9. disser! he is drop dead gorgeous, just admit it! and his songs rule! have a nice day 🙂

  10. Tom has to be on the edge, it’s the only place he feels comfortable. I debate with my life being the consequence, that even Tom wishes he wasn’t so close to falling over. Bon Jovi “Who the fuck cares”. The Piano has been drinking, Not Me!

  11. Success is not equal to quality in music. Bon Jovi was cool in the 80s, when like johnny points out, because the music felt, and was, for all intents and purposes, new.

    I think people like myself, and johnny here, are just disenfranchised with this idea of artists like Bon Jovi putting out mediocre shit just to be able to keep touring and keep his wealthy lifestyle going.

    Can I blame him for wanting to make a living? Not at all, just don’t do it tricking myself and other music listeners into buying half-assed records.

  12. mr. flat century

    de laatste c.d.’s van hem vind ik ook niet goed, maar heb wel respect voor zijn carierre. teksten vind ik bijna altijd goed, zeker van zijn solo c.d.’s en these days… en tom waits is misschien wel goed, maar ‘t is een jeanet die denkt dat hij nog altijd alternatief is, terwijl hij eerder passé composé is. en jouw naam in onze taal betekent : jantje rood, en dat is eigenlijk een beetje heel veel belachelijk.

  13. Bon jovi is still around and still successful. All you have done is blabbed ur silly single minded opinion oblivious to the fact Bon Jovi have alwaysss been successful. The band have worked hard to get where they are so until you even come remotely close to them wen it comes to sucess, keep your opinion to yourself.

    • Well first of all success doesn’t always, in fact seldom does, equate to greatness. And I won’t keep my opinion to myself because I have a right to say my opinion. Also this is a comedy/spoof/insane ramblings blog. I write comedy, well most of the time.

      Here’s the best bit. Even if I generally don’t agree with what I am saying I will say it anyway because personally I feel we put celebrities on a throne and worship them with our time, money, and teenage groupies. I like to show people they are human like all of us, and don’t deserve the lavish lifestyles they have because they have a marginally important talent. Look at what’s happenning to Tiger Woods right now. The media made him in THEIR image, learned that he’s not the perfect person, and now they are tearing him to pieces.

      Also I’d say that there are a lot of people in this world, myself included, that actually WORK hard everyday and are not rewarded with success, but we work hard anyway. And I would never keep my opinion to myself because someone feels the hard work I do doesn’t equal the “work” Bon Jovi does.

      • Just wanted to say THANKS for the eye candy, nice pics, only a BJ fan would choose those shots, you must have put alot of effort into picking them. It makes me wonder, because of the shots you have selected for your blog, whether you do have a thing for BJ..Lets ponder that shall we hmmm???? hehehe

      • You’re welcome! Glad I could be of service to you. Also thanks for reading my blog and helping increase my traffic. Who’s awesome? You’re awesome!

  14. lol, have a nice day.

  15. Lucky for you, you live in America and you’re free to be an absolute moronic ass. Lucky for me, I do too and I get to fuck you, you’re wrong. Also, lucky for me I get to be proved right by Bon Jovi’s record breaking tour sales and the fact that their newest album, “The Circle” debuted at number 1.

    ps: Jon Bon Jovi is not a solo act, he is part of a band. The lyrics are written by Jon and Richie among others so they are not necessarily autobiographical of Jon you dumbshit.

    • Good point. I can’t believe it takes two people to write such
      sappy crap. I guess I’ll have to do one on Richie Sambora. Guess
      I’ll start with his DUI and child endangerment charges.

      • And (cos you personally know Tom W right) you can honestly say he has never had any charges of any kind (old or recent) right? Yeah i didnt think so, WTF grow up man….No one is perfect and those who think they are have serious issues, plus i wonder what Tom W would think of your ‘opinion’- Would he agree with you or think you are childish.

      • Wow! Another comment! Thanks again for taking the time to visit my site and sharing your opinion. I think I’ve won you over haven’t I?

  16. hahahahahaha you sad fuck! so tom gay waite still plays in hundreds of stadiums??? pffff bon jovi is still around, with billions of fans by his side

    • I hope this is a joke. Tom Waits finished up his Glitter and Doom
      Tour last summer and just released the CD/DVD box set for it.

      Waits has also released more albums than Bon Jovi ever will. We’re
      talking almost forty years of recording.

      • “We’re talking ‘almost’ forty years of recording”
        Well I’ll get back to you when BJ hits their Forty Years of recording, good on you for pointing out that TW has been around ‘longer’….He was born before BJ band members so of course he is going to have accomplished more you twat – er der…Trust me BJ will still be rockin ‘old’ (& new) ladies in his 60’s too (and by then he would also have ‘almost 40 years of recording)- like TW is now . Cos when BJ is still rockin at that age of course TW would be into his late 80’s give or take – and slowing down, retired or dead). Im sorry but its no joke (as you hoped), its reality man. Keep it real…………

      • If BJ is still rocking in his 60s then I believe a Task Force will need to be established to take him down.

  17. Tom could totally fuck JBJ up,

    I wish Tom would fuck me…up.

    • See! Tom Waits must be in his sixties and and can still draw in the ladies, well maybe you’re a lady, you did post anonymous, but either way it’s all good in the hood.

  18. Nighthawks at the Diner.. “ veal cutlet got up off my plate and beat the shit out of (Bon Jovi) my cup of coffee – it wasn’t strong enough to defend itself….”

  19. Football game between a field full of Tom Waits vs. a field full of Jon Bon Jovi’s:

    Final Score:

    TW: 147
    BJ (Such appropriate initials): negative 6

    • DAMN! BJ would have been a great way to describe him in my blog. From now on I consult you before writing this blog category.

  20. Tom would whittle him into kindlin’

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