Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up!: Jon Bon Jovi
Decided to start a new blog category today. Why, you ask? Because I had to listen to Bon Jovi’s, “Have a Nice Day”, about four times on our “family sensitive” radio station at work today, that’s why. So let me explain the rules to this new blog category.
Rule #1 I pick one artist/band
Rule #2 I pick one song by said artist/band
Rule #3 I use said artist/band’s lyrics from the one song to rip them a new one
See it’s simple. Now let’s begin. Oh and to note, Tom Waits is my favorite musical artist of all time, hence the title of this blog.
For over 25 years Bon Jovi has been infecting us with the blandest, most mediocore brand of Rock music the world has ever listened to. I admit that back when I was in grade school I used to listen to Bon Jovi. But that was when I was very young and my brain hadn’t developed the rational thought of an adult. Also back then the music was actually new, and NOT the same old rehashed song with a slightly altered beat, and familar tossed around lyrics.
Bon Jovi’s, “Have a Nice Day”, offends me on many levels, but most of all it’s the lyrics. They remind me of something you might read in a 14 year old girl’s diary. And come to think of it, almost all of Jon Bon Jovi’s lyrics sound this way. For someone pushing 50, he sure does have a lot of teen angst kicking around. And not the cool, rebellious type angst either. Before I get into the lyric dismantling with photo fun, I’m gonna go into a tirade on the opening lyric.
“Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?”
Who? Who Jon Bon Jovi is telling you how to live your life?! Are you being oppressed in some way? Is “the man” holding you down? Because when I think of people who live on the edge, and constantly have the fingers of society pointing at them, I don’t think of you Jon Bon Jovi! What controversial lifestyle are you living nowadays? Who are you possibly offending? Boy it must suck being a boring has-been, married, with the big house, always playing it safe, kissing your record label’s ass to make sure you can still tour and make albums to keep up with your lavish lifestyle!
You are not a rebel Jon Bon Jovi.
Ok, that’s out of my system. Well let’s get to the fun stuff. After reading the lyrics to, “Have a Nice Day”, it became apparent that Jon Bon Jovi has put very little thought into the lyrics. Luckily, for your entertainment…I DID!
You’re daddy may have lived the lie, but it appears the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree Jon Bon Jovi. I think YOU may be living a lie as well, if you know what I mean.
That, Mr. Jovi, is a double negative. Also I want to kick your face.
That doesn’t make any sense. But by all means if you are on a ledge then go ahead and jump. Another thing, can you possibly be any whiter?
“Honey! Jon Bon Jovi is naked on our property again!”
“Son of a bitch! Call the cops…again!”
Oooooooo shiiiiiit! Damn! You just got served by Jon Bon Jovi!!
Seriously? That’s your “slam” to the world? Have a nice day? Give it up Jon Bon Jovi. You’re done. It’s over. I hope you enjoy the stagnant career you’ve created for yourself.
In the meantime…
Tom Waits, do what you do best!