Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up!: Metallica
Posted by johnnyredd
Metallica, Metallica, Metallica. Where to begin.
Metallica is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Personally, I don’t know if they deserve it. Yes they have been a huge success in the past and have sold millions of records, but I’m of the mindset that quantity, doesn’t always, in fact rarely, equals quality.
Now before I go into my rant, I have to say a few things. I used to love Metallica. They are very talented. As musicians they have done some pretty amazing stuff in their time. I can’t criticize them for that. The best I’ve ever been able to do musically is carry a tune on a blues harp. In fact I remember being laughed out of the school Band. But don’t worry, I took care of them good!
Oh, and I know that I’m suppose to tear bands apart by making fun of their lyrics. Well, this is only my second blog under this category and I’m already amending the rules. Deal with it.
Now I need everyone reading this to understand that when I really get into a band, buy all their albums, and believe their awesomeness could rival the power of Gods, then I like to research as much as I can about them. No, I’m not a paparazzi stalker type, but I like to read up on their influences, history as a band, what motivates them, etc. It’s important for me to do this. Who they are as people are as important to me as the music. And that’s why it breaks my heart to have to call Metallica out on their douchebag behavior.
Ok, we’re gonna start with the most talked about, and obvious Douchebag moment Metallica has done. They sued their own fucking fans!!! You see back in the year 2000 a little music sharing program called Napster had hit it big. Free music to download and share. It was great. Until I did something that raised a demon in Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich and he got me banned from Napster. Yep I was one of the guys who got kicked off of Napster. I downloaded a song to my computer from a Metallica album that I had…ALREADY FUCKING BOUGHT A CASSETTE OF! That’s right, I bought a cassette of Metallica for the tape deck in my truck, and rather than buy the same album again on CD I figured why not just download the album and burn it. I had the right didn’t I? They already got their money from me once. Well apparently they didn’t think so and neither did the staff at Napster who told me in an e-mail that their hands were tied on the issue. Well guess what Metallica? I haven’t bought an album of your since, and I’m sure many former fans haven’t either.
Lars Ulrich went so far as to make this promotional video to explain how Metallica is badass and awesome for their decision to sue Napster and their fans. I dare you to try and not give yourself a self-labotomy as you watch Lars “fake” cool, and Marlon Wayons provide his “genius” comedic stylings.
Lars doesn’t like it when you “share”. “Sharing” is ruining his career and he is now forced to whore himself out to make up for all the money we’ve apparently stolen from him. But boy I remember a time when Metallica was just getting big, and people were generating a buzz about them. Oh! You know how they got so popular back in the early eighties? BY FANS SHARING AND CIRCULATING THEIR MIX TAPES!! That’s right they wouldn’t have even made a blip on the radar if dedicated fans hadn’t copied and shared their music. I hope you always remember that it was the fans that made you Metallica.
“It’s already all over Napster. Go check it out. I don’t hate Napster, in fact I think that it’s good that we have four songs that are on there right now.”-Dave Mustaine of Megadeth commenting on file sharing.
Speaking of Dave Mustaine, let’s talk about Metallica’s treatment of their former band members. Dave Mustaine of Megadeth, my favorite metal band ever, was a founding member of Metallica but was kicked out before they even released their first album. He was booted out of the band because he drank too much. Really? The self-promoted “heaviest and most badass metal band ever” had to kick Mustaine out because he drank too much? That doesn’t sound too badass Metallica. But it’s all good because Mustaine created Metallica’s rival in Megadeth. The two bands were neck and neck throughout the 80’s and early 90’s until Metallica took the lead by becoming corporate rock whores.
I felt Dave Mustaine did an amazing thing once he was booted out of Metallica. He sobered up enough to create one of the greatest metal bands in history, and always seemed to be somewhat respectful of Metallica, although I’m sure there were times he was angry about it. I wonder how Metallica handled their former friend/founder/bandmate’s success? Well let’s see how James Hetfield reacts to hearing Megadeth’s first major hit “Symphony of Destruction.”
You’re damn right James, Dave Mustaine is a great song writer. So much in fact that I believe Mustaine is responsible for Metallica’s first few albums being as badass and heavy as they were. You see Dave Mustaine wrote a lot of the lyrics and music in those first albums Metallica released. It’s true you can even check the credits on the albums. Which leads to my theory that after all of Dave Mustaine’s “contributions” to Metallica, that they just ran out of quality music. Maybe that’s why after Metallica’s black album, everything seemed to go downhill.
Long story short, it took almost 20 years before Dave Mustaine got a chance to speak his mind to the members of Metallica. In the Metallica documentary Some Kind of Monster, which I recommend you watch if you want to see how to systematically dismantle a band, Lars and Dave sat down for a chat. James Hetfield was also supposed to be there as well, but for some reason didn’t show up. I know the clip is a little long but trust me it’s worth it to watch Lars STILL try to make everything about himself.
Dave, don’t feel bad about being number two to Metallica. You’re not in my eyes. Besides being number one doesn’t mean you’re the best. George W. Bush was once the most powerful man in the world, but fuck that guy. I also really want Dave Mustaine to understand that he has done great things and as the master of the “Spider Chord” I believe he’s surpassed Metallica. In fact Megadeth has remained consistent in their sound to this day.
Now a little test. Metallica released the album St. Anger after they finished filming that documentary. The album was bashed by critics and fans. About a year later Megadeth released The System Has Failed. The following are two samples from each album. If you have the time listen to both tracks and tell me which album is keeping to the roots of what metal music is, and which album sounds better produced.
Another interesting event that took place while filming Some kind of Monster, was the sudden departure of long time Metallica bassist Jason Newsted. From the stories circulating it had a lot to do with Metallica not doing true metal anymore, to being angry that the band had to hire a therapist to help them record their album, to James Hetfield telling him he couldn’t work on his side project EchoBrain while still playing with Metallica, etc.
Jason Newsted quit the band and called them a bunch of homos. He really did.
Now let’s see Lars Ulrich ham it up in front of the camera when asked about why Jason Newsted left the band. There is something about Lars that just reeks fake.
“When did we turn into the bad guys?” Well Lars it might have to do with bullshit like this.
Well that’s about enough ranting and raving for one night. Hey, Tom Waits! Are you ready to send these guys out to pasture? What? You’re gonna let Megadeth fuck them up this week? Alright you’re the boss Tom. Dave Mustaine, why don’t you Spider Chord their sell out, washed up, fan insulting, disrespectful asses!
John Michael Gagnon…”Life’s fabric is corrupt. Shot through with corroded thread”…Johnny Red
Posted on May 19, 2009, in Tom Waits Would Fuck You Up! and tagged dave mustaine, james hetfield, jason newsted, lars ulrich, lars ulrich is a hobbit, megadeth, megadeth owns metallica, metallica, tom waits. Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.