“While we can understand that some people may have concerns, this does not mean that humans can be produced ‘in a dish’ and we have no intention of doing this.”
THEY LIE! One of my Team of Scientists went undercover in their lab and produced this photo!
“That muttered curse word that reflexively comes out when you stub your toe could actually make it easier to bear the throbbing pain, a new study suggests.”
Yeah, no fucking shit, Sherlock!
“In a twist, scientists now say pigs could catch the new H1N1 flu strain, or swine flu, from humans.”
Not wanting to consider how the H1N1 virus can hop back and forth from human to pig, because of how disturbing my theory would be, I'm gonna tell myself that this ManPig Mutant is real and responsible.
“Thousands of bees swarmed a GameStop store in New York City and trapped employees inside for several hours on Saturday.” “There’s no word on why the bees targed the GameStop…”
I believe God was finally smiting the annoying fanboy population.
"Yeah, um...I'd like to pre-order Modern Warfare 2. What? What are you looking at?"
“Michael Jackson reportedly was very interested in being cloned.”
If cloning didn't work, Michael Jackson had a back up plan to--HOLY FUCKING SHIT--we need a back up plan for the back up plan!
John Michael Gagnon AKA Johnny Red